FAMILY EXPECTATIONS IN KUWAIT

Interesting Article in Kuwait Times

http://www.kuwaittimes.net/read_news.php?newsid=NzE0MTQ3OTgw

Great expectations
Published Date: May 07, 2010
By Rawan Khalid, Staff Writer


When 22-year-old Abdallah Khalil, a high school student enters Math class, his hands tremble and his face turns pale. He feels as if his stomach is churning and his vision is blurring. The reason is his love for literature and repulsion for science. Although Khalil has found his lifetime interest in literary criticism, his family forced him to opt for a science course. "I was in the 10th grade when problems cropped up between my family and me. I did not have an aptitude for Math and Physics, but my family
would not understand that, and instead, forced me to choose a science stream," Khalil laments. Today, he is still struggling in high school while his peers have already moved on to university or college.

The pressure to choose a career, extra-curricular school activities or even a spouse is not limited to Khalil's family. In this part of the world, parents place curfews on daughters, withdraw mobile phones if they are overused and even place limits on the circle of friends their children should have. Parents apply a hands-on approach to anything that ranges from children's clothes, choice of school subjects to homework and test questions.

Career choice vs social nexus
My parents and I have been having arguments about my choice of career ever since I can remember. They just want me to take up science so that we become doctors or engineers. This is so that they can tell the world that their son is a doctor or an engineer. They do not care about what I want to study or what my ambitions are," said Khalil.

Family pressure has restricted Khalil to the confines of high school. "I am still in high school because of my parents' choice. I failed three years, and I can't pass the final year; the subjects are difficult to understand. I felt I was always good in literature; I have always wanted to be a critic. Now, I blame my family for the loss of three years because they pushed me into the science stream," Khalil said.

Mohammad Al-Zainy, 21, has a slightly different take on the matter. He was forced to choose engineering. Three years into the program, he realized that this was the right choice. Today he studies engineering - or the subject that his family chose, and feels satisfied with his career choice. "My family chose the university because they felt that I was good at Math. I told them that I wanted to join the faculty of Science but they refused because they want me to be an engineer," says Al-Zainy who is now i
n his third year of engineering. In two years' time, he will become an engineer. "I loved engineering and I want to thank my family for pushing me to pursue this degree. Maybe the pressure of the family would benefit me.

Sandy A, 24, an employee in a private company, was happy with her sales job. However, her family forced her to resign because of the late hours involved. "I used to be a sales woman with one of the very famous stores in Kuwait. I was very happy with this position. I had my customers and I really loved the job. After one year, my family became angry at me and even beat me whenever I came back home at 11 pm. They knew what I was doing and what my job field was about.

Sandy diligently helped the family financially but they apparently remained unsatisfied with her career choice. Sandy later found out that her mother had made a career choice for her daughter and was trying to enforce it on her. "My mother has found me a job for a higher salary," she said. To Sandy's dismay the new job had even later work hours. "I was going to be home at 1 am and my mother seemed to be okay with it," she said.

So, being miserable and missing her old job, Sandy is forced to work at a place she hates but where she is paid more.

Fashion and family
For Nova Mohammad, 27, and a bachelorette, family pressure dictates her dress code. She admits to always having problems with her family because of the way she dresses and the time she returns home after hanging out with friends.

Since I was a child, I've never had long hair. I've always had a short haircut and I wear a hijab," she explains. She carefully chooses her work clothes but prefers casual outfits when she is hanging out with her friends. Then, she says, "I wear sports clothes which make me feel very comfortable. Only then do I take off the hijab and put on a cap," Nova said.

Fashion and curfew in style
Nova's parents place pressure on her as they want her to grow longer, 'lady-like' hair and keep to her curfew hours. "What really upsets me is the fact that my family knows that my hair has always been short, and now they want me to grow it. For her, returning home by 10 pm is a hassle. "What is contradictory, though, is that when I have work until 3 am my family does not appear to mind it," she said.

Nova feels that her personal life is being meddled with when her family places phone calls while she is out with friends. "They start calling at 8:30 pm until I come back home," she said.

For Maram Hassan, 23, a job seeker, her family disapproves of her fashion sense and choice of friends. "What really bothers me is the pressure I am under because of the clothes I wear, such as shorts, skirts, shirts, and tight-fitting clothes," she says.

For Hassan, it is a question of her personal freedom in choosing what to wear. She is tired of being given examples of her cousins and their dressing styles. Hassan is not happy with her mother who chooses her friends. In her words, her mother has created a to-be friends list and has blacklisted others. "The reason she does that is because they have a boy cut hairstyle, act like boys, or because they wear sporty clothes," she explains.

When my mother orders me not to go out with them I answer by saying 'Okay' or 'Yes, mother. ' What I actually do is lie to her," Hassan admits. She says, "At the end of the day, I am doing what I want to do, wearing what I want to wear, and hanging out with whom I want to.

FRIENDSHIP

Do Kuwiatis believe in friendship or is intimacy only about love, marriage and family bonds? Does one become friendly with another only for utility and/or finding a potential new family member, or is there a concept of friend? Describe the friendship experience in the Kuwaiti world. Is the concept of friend traditional, or is it the product of the global era, with its new technologies and population movements?

DIVORCE KUWAITI STYLE

Discuss the divorce process in a Muslim country. What are the causes of divorce in Kuwait? Why are divorce rates increasing? Is divorce a sign that that family roles and expectations are changing?

VIOLENCE AND THE FAMILY

The family is said to provide nurturance and care to its members, and ideally they are suppossed to form some of our most intimate of bonds. Yet the family is also the root of threat and the source of a lot of violence. Discuss domestic violence in the family in the Kuwaiti context. Who are the victims, what are the causes and are global pressures to blame?

Alternative Families

One of the biggest contraversies in Europe and the United States pertaining to family is the same sex marriage. Discuss how same-sex marraige is tied to the intimacy revolution. What alternative family forms do we find in Kuwait. Try to imagine and describe how a same sex marriage debate would be discussed and dealt with in Kuwait.

Medical Technologies

Examine infertility and assisted reproduction in Kuwait. Why are there so many fertility clinics? What consequence does infertility have on the Kuwaiti family? What are the pressures on women? Are Kuwaitis shopping for families or are traditional concerns exagerated by medical professionals who are willing to capitalize on fears?

Mobile Technologies

How have mobile and internet communication technologies changed the way we stay in touch with family and friends or develop new forms of intimate relationships in Kuwait?

Intimacy and the Global Era in Kuwait

Sociologist Anthony Giddens argues that the West has undergone an intimacy revolution during the second half of the 20th Century. Intimacy according to Giddens is now guided by the idea of the "Pure Relationship." Do you agree? Discuss what Giddens means by the pure relationship and then assess to what degree it applies to understanding intimate relations (family, friends, marriage) in Kuwait? Be sure to discuss what new forms of intimacy, if any, have emerged socially in the last 20 years, and whether it has become a source of social and political tension.

The Family in Historical Perspective

How has the family changed in Kuwiat? Assess three major historical transitions in Kuwait: Discovery of Oil, Independence, The Gulf War

Drwaing from your opinion and knowledge how do you think these changes have impacted on the structure of the family?

"Blood" Lines and National Belonging

How does family determine citizenship in Kuwait? Why is the father's side more important than the mother? What makes the family name so important to national identity? Do you agree or should matters change?

IDEAL FAMILIES

Describe what makes the ideal family in Kuwait? What are the most important relationships, what are the responsibilities of the different family members? What kind of activities build good bonds with these relationships, and what breaks them down?